Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Effect of NeoPaganism on Manslaughter and Marigolds

A telephone conversation between myself and the sales clerk at a local occult shop:

Him - "Hello! thanks for calling [redacted]!"

Me - "Hi, I just have a quick question: Do you carry an herb called calendula?"

Him - "We sure do!

Me - "Great, I'll be right..."

Him - "Do you know the other name for calendula?"

Me - "Actually, I don't. But I just wanted to see if..."

Him - "Marigold! So if you're ever looking for calendula and can't find it, you can also ask for marigold."

Me - "Good to know."

Him - "Because you see..."

[Insert 10-minute lecture on the mystical properties and various ritual uses of calendula/marigold.]

Him - "... so after you've asked the Goddess for Her permission, leave the polished stones in a bowl of blessed water under the Full Moon. And that's how you use calendula correctly."

Me - "Well, wow, very interesting, thank you for the information. So I guess I'll drop by in a bit to pick up some calendula."

Him - "Oooh, sorry. We're sold out."

Had this exchange gone down face-to-face, I'm confident no jury in the world would convict me.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Reminds me of Monty Python's "Cheese Shop" sketch, LOL!

temperatelogic said...

I really hope you're compiling your memoirs, because you're amassing an amazing collection for an occult stand-up routine some day.

Pallas Renatus said...

I'm thoroughly convinced that some people run occult shops simply to have customers (read: victims) around as targets for their incessant need to sound intelligent.

Of course, this character trait has already driven away any friends they might have had.

Brother Christopher said...

I think my favorite part is "And that is how you use Calendula correctly." Because there is only one way to use it and that employee just described it.

Thalia said...

Um, calendula and marigold aren't actually the same plant, you know.

Pallas Renatus said...

@Thalia: Well, kinda. Calendula is the same thing as Pot Marigold. The problem is there are 7 or 8 other similar-looking "Marigolds" that go by the same name...

Siobhan said...

Marigolds? So far the biggest surprise for my friends re: things I have found in Vienna is the marigold tree (3rd or 4th picture in): http://siobhanmkelly.tumblr.com/post/9259816357/vienna-postcard-post

knottybynature said...

WALMART. HOME DEPOT. It probably doesn't have to come from [insert shop name here]....fertilizer isn't as mystical to be next to as a huge crystal, but I'm sure they'll work just the same. :)

Anonymous said...

I would probably have done the same thing you wanted to.. *in my mind*

Magaly Guerrero said...

I don't have a backyard, but I have a car with a really big trunk and I know just the spot.

Claire-Marie said...

I'm surprised he didn't lecture you on flea abatement.