Thursday, March 24, 2011

Keats and Yeats Are on Your Side*

A cell phone conversation between myself and Co-Witch A.:

Co-Witch A. - "Hey, it's me."

Me - (quietly) "Hey."

Co-Witch A. - "Did I call at a bad time?"

Me - (a little louder) "No, no, not at all. What's up?"

Co-Witch A. - "Well, you know how we were talking about re-reading Paul Huson's Mastering Witchcraft together?"

Me - "Yeah, I'm enthused about that."

Co-Witch A. - "And you know how we've also been talking about building up more of a visible profile in Houston? I was thinking, what if we combined the two and offered a monthly book study?"

Me - "This is a great idea."

Co-Witch A. "Because it's such an iconic book, y'know? And I really feel like the serious practitioners in this area could get some good information out of it."

Me - "I agree."

Co-Witch A. - "But here's my one reservation. Huson covers a lot of fascinating, useful stuff, but he also doesn't pull punches with his writing. I'm not sure that everyone who might agree to participate will want to hear what he has to say."

Me - "That is a conundrum."

Co-Witch A. - "And... okay, do you mind if I just vent?"

Me - "Sure, go ahead."

Co-Witch A. - "I'm tired of hearing people talk about what amazing Witches they are, when they're not doing anything. Do you know what I mean? It's like, fine, you're a big ol' Witch, but what actual Witchcraft are you practicing?"

Me - "I understand."

Co-Witch A. - "And I know there's this trend right now to separate Wicca from Witchcraft, and to make Wicca all mainstream or whatever, but still, I can't be the only damned one in this city who feels like..."

Me - "Oh, shit."

Co-Witch A. - "Evn? Are you alright?"

Me - "I think a security guard just spotted me."

Co-Witch A. - "Um... pardon?"

Me - "Crap, he's definitely coming this way. I need to get back to my car."

Co-Witch A. - "If you don't mind my asking, where are you right now?"

Me - "I'm in a cemetery."

Co-Witch A. - "And you are in a cemetery, running from security guards at 4 o'clock on a weekday afternoon, because...?"

Me - "I needed graveyard dirt, and they lock the gates at 5."


Me - "Everything's fine, though. I paid off the guardian spirits with old coins, and I wiped down my offerings for fingerprints before I left them. But I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What were you saying?"

[another beat]

Co-Witch A. - "I fucking love you."

*I own that this reference is little obscure. So in case you didn't catch it, click here and bop along. Manchester style.


Anonymous said...

That is the most amazing thing I have read in ages. Brilliant.

Shannon Rae said...

Pretty funny, lol.

Brother Christopher said...

I agree with co-witch A. I fucking love you. FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!

And a study group for Mastering Witchcraft is brilliant. I love that book. I have even made some of the oils from it, and let me tell you, they smell awesome, and I love thier vibe.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps, as the Chief Priest to the Angel of Snarkness, I should start an emergency bail fund?

As always, you are awesome...

Evn said...

@Brother Christopher: I fucking love you, too. And I also love you fucking. (grin)

@Pax: I've got a PayPal "Donation" link way down on the right side of my homepage. Never thought I'd use it for bail, but it's always wise to be prepared. So good call. You're an excelllent Chief Priest. :)

knottybynature said...


Evn. I'm moving to Houston. For reals. I'm due in the area round April 11th.

I'd have gotten it for you. Around here...well, the graveyards are so old, I don't think they consider putting up fencing.

Veles said...

Will you adopt me?

I realize I'm like...a legal adult and covered in hair but...please?


Raven said...

Mastering Witchcraft is an amazing book; I just found my copy (it had gone to hide under my bookshelf) and am reading through it once more. And, your story rocks my world. Oddly enough, I live quite near an ancient, crumbling graveyard AND a new, tacky yuppie one. Odd combo.

Iam said...

Remember each grave yard is different and not dirt is the same either. While in New Orleans I got some from Louise #1 on a private tour with local BTW . I like dirt from relatives graves, you always have a reason to be there. And can make offerings to the Ancestors at the same time.

Meredydd Darkmoon said...

Oh gods, are you me? I've done this, lol.

Evn said...

@Veles: Done.

@Raven: Go with the crumbly, older graveyard. Yuppie spirits are a bitch to manage.

@Meredydd: Want to be part of the book study? You'd contribute mightily to the discussion, and plus I haven't seen you in forever.

sara said...

I love this post! I am kicking myself for not finding this blog sooner :)

(And thanks for reminding me of that song)

Dr. E. said...

But Evn... what about harm none?

*ducks and covers*

Evn said...

Hey, I'm a 9th Degree Wiccan High Elder, remember? Escape clauses go into effect after 7th.

Evn said...

@Knotty: Welcome to Houston! It totally doesn't suck here about 80% of the time.

ges said...

OMG! Bwahahaha! I love it! :-D

knottybynature said...

And the other 20%?

Heh. I hope to add some entertainment value, at least. ;)

Pallas Renatus said...

"I wiped down my offerings for fingerprints"


Anonymous said...

So you and Veles have not posted in a while... whould I start researching bail bondsmen?

word verification = givens... gosh I hope that is not an omen...


Anonymous said...

BAHAAHAH! So funnyyyyyy. I've totally had something similar happen to me, though I wasn't collecting graveyard dirt. A friend was just showing me the local graveyard at, oh...1am, and the spirits that resided there. We almost ALMOST got caught. Good times. Soo funny! Great story.

Anonymous said...

I almost fell off my chair laughing reading this.. XD