Sunday, October 04, 2009

Why I Hate Wal-Mart

Me: "Pardon me, but where are your restrooms?"

First Wal-Mart Employee: (gesturing to the Northeast) "Straight over yonder."

[ten minutes later]

Me: "Ma'am? Hi. Where can I find a restroom?"

Second Wal-Mart Employee: "The restrooms? They're right back that way, next to where Shoes used to be."

[ten minutes later]

Me: (starting to shake) "Please tell me where the restrooms are."

Third Wal-Mart Employee: "Okay. What you're going to want to do is this: Go back the way you came, and..." [I swear I am not making this up] "...look for the intersection of Toys and Walmart.com."

[ten minutes later]

Me: (curled in the fetal position, somewhere in the uncharted backwoods of Electronics) "Can't... hold it... any... longer..."

Fourth Wal-Mart Employee: "Sir? Am I to understand that you're looking for the restroon? Please take this ball of string and follow me through the Labyrinth."

I'm fully aware that I spent a good portion of Thursday bitching about the minor inconveniences of online shopping. With that acknowledged, if I never again in this lifetime patronize an establishment larger than a linen closet, it will be too goddamned soon.

7 comments:

Cat Chapin-Bishop said...

*ahem*

I hate to get snooty, Evn. (Well, no. Actually, of course I love it. Everyone does.)

BUY LOCAL! (And NOT your local Wal-Mart!)

If only because in a local store, there's someone you can actually bitch at who can make a difference, over the little things in life, like readable signs...

Matt Gerlach said...

I agree, the first mistake was walking into the wal-mart, and the second was relying on their employees...

Word verification: sonucle = a particular kind of red-neck relation

knottybynature said...

Hey...the first one of those things i worked at was 1/8th of a mile from one side to the other. and i'm not kidding.

get your running shoes. ask for a map at the door. :D

treecat said...

I wasn't going to add anything, but the word verification was "drown" which is just too appropriate to pass up remarking on!

Evn said...

Cat, actually, almost all of my shopping dollars go to local businesses. Even my bank is a small, Houston-based company. Unfortunately, because of my current living situation, the closest branch to me is located in a Wal-Mart. Hence...

Matt, I will say that the employees were all very friendly and professional. Just kinda clueless about where the restrooms were.

Knotty, this one's huge, but the bank's right near the entrance, so I'm normally not required to hike broad distances.

Treecat, thankfully no one drowned. Although if I'd been forced to wait any longer, there would've been some serious high-pressure water cannon action going on.

Jarred said...

What I find strange about this is that in all of the Wal-Mart's I've been in, the restrooms have always been in (roughly) the same place:

1. Along the front wall, between the two entrances. (This of course assumes that it's a Super Wal-Mart, but I thought they all were these days)

2. In the center of the back wall, where lay-away used to be.

3. In the case of smaller Wal-Marts (again, I don't think many of these exist anymore), next to the customer service desk, which is to the left as soon as you walk through the entrance.

Of course, a decent employee would offer to show you were the restrooms are rather than merely giving you directions.

Evn said...

Jarred, the front restrooms were closed for rennovations, so I had to go to the back ones. The forth employee did actually lead me to them, though, so that was nice.