Friday, October 02, 2009

Other White Meats

Disgruntled Vegan Employee: "I like animals more than people."

Me: "I do, too. They taste better."

And then she got all offended and gave me the Vegan Glare, which I just dismissed as a lack of omega-3 fatty acids in her diet.

Somebody please explain to me how I ended up in management.


Brother Christopher said...

that is an easy answer.


Evn said...

Touché. ;)

Stonetree said...

I've been vegan nearly 5 years and I would not have glared at you. Everyone knows vegans taste best.

knottybynature said...

Hey, witchcraft must be how I got my job.

Well, we know what it was. It was your Rapier-like wit, Evn. ;)

wv: ougoisie - bless you.

River said...

Hahahaha. I love this post for several reasons:

I manage at a health food store and I've gone back and forth on the vegan thing a few times. (Enough that my employees don't take me seriously on any food related lifestyle change anymore.) Any given day the question is "Are you a vegan or a carnivore today River?"

Last night I did a quick tarot reading (somewhat tongue in cheek) about whether I should be vegetarian or not, and what the best diet is for humans.

I pulled 3 cards. 1 mentioned fruit and two mentioned fish. Heh.

I glared at the cards and said "Seriously, that's all you've got for me? Fruit and fish?" I pulled a fourth card that basically told me I was a stubborn troublemaker.

Damn tarot.

Thalia Took said...

I used to know someone who claimed he was a vegetarian because he hated all plants and wanted to wipe them off the face of the planet. He was a very silly man.

You could always say you're a vegetarianarian. You know, someone who only eats vegetarians.

Though come to think of it that's probably harassment.

Cat Chapin-Bishop said...

Hey! I get the Stubborn Troublemaker card all the time, too! Very cool!

treecat said...

When I lived with some particularly obnoxious vegetarians (most are not so obnoxious as these) I found my self drawing little slogans like "Save a Plant, Eat a Vegetarian"

The "you are what you eat, do you want to be (look like) a cow?" argument was particularly bad. I'd rather resemble a cow than a head of lettuce.

That said you can watch me eat for several days in a row before you can tell I'm not actually vegetarian... just close.

Evn said...

In college, I developed a taste for veggie burgers topped with bacon.

Yvonne Rathbone said...

BLVs are the best.