Thursday, October 01, 2009

I have issues. And statues. But mainly issues.

Instead of, oh, I don't know, working, I spent the morning on an occult retail Web site, gazing longingly at a Goddess statue I don't really need. This is one of the drawbacks of a polytheistic worldview: There is no such thing as too many Goddess statues. (Even though, let's face it, there probably should be.)

If I were a little more pantheistic, I could just grab one of those standard-issue, Faceless And Vaguely Woman-Shaped With Handless Arms Raised High figurines and be done with it. But no, I've got to make sure Everyone has Their own votive. I may be convinced that St. Expedite and Thoth are ultimately the same divine being, but I couldn't rest until I found two different representations of Them, both of which are currently nestled in equal but separate areas of my living room.

Sometimes I worry that I've conflated "sincere religious devotion" with "neurosis."

Speaking of, one of my other fun personality quirks is marked indecision when it comes to spending money, coupled with mild obsessive-compulsive tendencies. The two together make for a fabulous inner monologue:

"Okay, I'm going to buy this statue. No, wait, I'm not. Although it's not that expensive. But I spent way too much in Boston. But what if they sell out before my next pay period? Good point! I'm going to buy it right now." [click] "Huh. Shipping's more than I thought it would be. I should wait a month. Yes, I'll wait until next month. Or next week. Tomorrow, maybe? Oh, just buy it." [click click] "There. And then click on 'submit,' and... no, wait, let's really think about this..."

[Repeat for five hours]

Th psychic deadlock eventually wore me down, and I decided that this was a job for divination. I opened a desk drawer and pulled out one of my geomancy decks (I keep one deck at home and another at the office, because there's something wrong with me), drew a card, and... Laetitia. Not thrifty advice.

Oooh, time for another quick geomancy lecture. The sixteen geomantic figures can be divided into two categories, based on their inherent stability or mobility. In a yes/no reading, a stable figure means yes, and a mobile figure means no. Unless (there's always a catch) Laetitia appears, in which case the message is "No, but do it anyway."

So I bought the statue. Because a bunch of dots told me to. Yay for geomancy! Yay for statues! Except...

I'm not what one would call blessed with that virtue known as "patience." I normally try to avoid online shopping all together, since not being able to get my hands on the merchandise right this very second often results in me flushing vast amounts of cash away on next-day delivery. This particular metaphysical shop does not offer multiple shipping options, which did save me a few bucks. However, as soon as I a made my purchase, I received an e-mail confirmation that was all, "Thank you for your valued business. Your order will ship in one to four weeks. Or January. What day is it again? We're a little high right now."

So basically, I'm being held hostage by Pagan Standard Time, with nothing but my eleventy-billion other statues to comfort me. I'll bet this is exactly how the Amish feel.

18 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I hear you, brother. I collect Goddess statues too.

Evn said...

I'm currently decorating my office with them. I want to see how many I can bring in before my supervisors start getting uncomfortable.

Thalia Took said...

So are you actually going to link to the statue itself? Cause I'm dying to see now.

And ha! boy do I understand the impulse to catalogue Divinities. Like, I don't know, Laetitia or something.

Evn said...

Oops. Here ya go.

And I had no clue Laetitia is the name of a Goddess! I should send you a list of the geomantic forms and find out what else I've overlooked. (Fun Fact: Two of the figures ended up as names of Harry Potter characters.)

Brother Christopher said...

somehow, I just knew that was the statue you were shopping for as I was reading this post.

We all have our vices. You like statues. I like jewelry. rings specifically.

I wonder if the geomantic figures were names because they were geomantic figures, or for some other reason, like alchemy, per chance.

knottybynature said...

Nope. Can't ever have too many Goddesses.

The heck with the candles, though. Get them their own private, well-lit china cabinets. One for the Gods, one for the Goddesses. Then you can spend your time chipping out divets and super-gluing semi-precious cut jewels into them.

*cough*

Thalia Took said...

Uh-oh, KBN, that sounds perilously close to crafts. And we know that crafts and Evn don't mix.

And hey, I know that Goddess, that old armless snake Goddess. I've been hip-deep in Minoan stuff the last year or so myself. Mostly for the exceedingly geeky reason that I'm making little things for the Sims in a Minoan theme so I can build the Labyrinth in the game. Hee.

But She's really nice.

Who are some of the other geomancy figures?

Yewtree said...

It is a very nice statue.

Evn said...

Christopher: You know, it would be interesting to looking into the possible connections between geomancy and alchemy. If you come across anything cool, be sure to post it to the Geomantic Campus list.

Knotty, Thalia's right: No crafts for me. :( But I do really like the idea of gem-encrusted statuary...

Evn said...

Yewtree, I'm glad you like it. Have you ever noticed that Bo keeps a Snake Goddess statue on his altar as well?

Thalia, the names of the geomantic figures are as follows:

Puer
Amissio
Albus
Populus
Fortuna Major
Conjunctio
Puella
Rubeus
Acquisitio
Carcer
Tristitia
Laetitia
Cauda Draconis
Caput Draconis
Fortuna Minor
Via

Anonymous said...

Where do you get all these names from, might I ask?

Evn said...

If I remember correctly, the names of the geomantic figures were established in the early Middle Ages, when a number of geomancy texts were translated from Arabic into Latin.

Anonymous said...

Thank you I didnt really expect a responce so soon, but Im truely grateful. Ill have to look into that soon.. by the way I go by Moonbeam but I couldnt get it to accept my google account..

Evn said...

Moonbeam, you're welcome! It was good timing on your part: I turned on my computer and opened my e-mail just seconds after you posted.

moonbeam said...

Again thank you for that. As I was checking what you said out I linked to a site that sells The Astrological Geomancy Mini-Course. Is this something you would recommend if I wanted to read up on it...

Evn said...

Is that the course offered by Renaissance Astrology? If so, I can definitely recommend it. You might also want to check out an excellent book called The Art and Practice of Geomancy by John Michael Greer, and if you're into Yahoo! Groups at all, you could join the Geomantic Campus list (coincidentally moderated by JMG and myself).

Hope this all helps!

moonbeam said...

Thank you, it truely does.. Ill have to check into all of that.. Namaste' Moonbeam

moonbeam said...

Oh in all my confustion this morning, mind jet lag..hehe Yes that is the course and Ill have to check into your yahoo group.
have to go.. blessed be Moonbeam.