Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Spell It Out

On the very first episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul told the competitors that they would be judged on four qualities: charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. The queens all tittered at that, which led me to assume that a joke of some sort had been made. I didn't get it.

Every week, after announcing the main challenge, RuPaul would list off those four important qualities:


And then the remaining contestants would giggle. Because apparently, being told you need to work on your:


...is amusing. For some obscure reason. That I could not comprehend.

The season finale aired last night (with the fabulous BeBe Zahara Benet taking the crown), so I spent most of my morning pouring over online recaps. One blog in particular kept going on an on about the "C.U.N.T.," and I was like, "Well that's rude. If I were a drag queen, I'd be pretty pissed off if some asshole blogger called me a cunt." And then I thought about it for half an hour, and finally a dim little light bulb appeared and I was all, "Oh. I see." And then I felt like an idiot for missing the glaringly obvious hoo-hoo reference.

But eventually, I decided that if a brilliant, eagle-eyed wordsmith such as myself didn't catch the joke, then the majority of the viewing audience probably didn't, either. Which made me feel better. So later, I was telling one of my employees about the show, and I said, "The contestants are judged on their charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent." And she threw her hands in front of her mouth and went, "Oh my God! They said that on television?!"

I fucking quit.


Anonymous said...

Evn, I'm hurt. How can you claim to be unaware of the brilliant "Charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent" joke when I mentioned it... in my very first recap of the show!!

I will now throw my white feather boa over my shoulder in a dramatic fashion and stomp away until you say something that makes me laugh and I come back again...

Evn said...

Ah, but I didn't discover your blog until just after your second recap of the show.

Besides, if you stomp off, I'll tell Santino you left because he didn't appreciate you enough.

Deborah said...

You're telling me you never heard "See you next Tuesday?"

Geez Pete.

Evn said...

I am slow. I admit this.

Anonymous said...

True, Evn. Okay, I'm back... And just so you know, Santino is why I left the show, right before the first episode when the cameras showed up and it got all fake...

Evn said...


And by "it," you mean Shannel.

knottybynature said...

I haven't had the opportunity to watch the show. I hope it's funny. Good drag queens have a great sense of humor, and their catty-ness is to die for.

I remember my first string of drag shows. They were at a little dive called EJ's near Montrose. It was a fascinating affair, being that there were about 12 performers and you had to pick and choose which you thought were men and which were women. There were a few women, but they were mostly men.

I had several epiphanies over that. Good times, good times.

word verification: femester

Femester: a fledgling drag queen.

"Hey, fe- MESTER.....uh, why are you wearing that make-up?"

Evn said...

Knotty, I had no clue that you were familiar with the Montrose, much less EJ's.

Oh my gosh but you are so promoted.

Word verification = Foreamma, which may or may not be my new drag name.

Leon Basin said...

You have a lovely blog here. Thank you for sharing.

Evn said...

You're very welcome, and thanks for your kind words!

knottybynature said...

Evn, Houston is my stomping grounds! I used to work at a tattoo and piercing parlour over on Richmond.

I remember Timeless Taffeta (*SNIFF*) and used to hang at Cafe Brazil. I was HIGHLY PISSED when they moved the Street Festival to Allen Parkway (I think we were ALL pissed off about it). And the people-watching at Charlie's was fabulous (*double SNIFF*). I remember the beautiful way that people came together down there when Princess Diana died.

I just hate the fact that they've tried so hard to kill off that area. :( It was a very culturally unique part of Houston.

And a helluva lot of fun. Definately.

Sister Dirrtie said...

hilarious! I have to say, I didn't catch it either, at least, I don't think I did. But, then I only watched it once, cause well, tv. eh

that is brilliant.

Pax, Chief Priest to the Angel of Snarkness said...


Don't feel so bad about missing the hoo-hoo reference.

I would have probably missed it as well... on the other hand if the contestants had been judged on their determination, intelligence, character, and knowledge... THAT I would have recognized! (grin)


Word verification = "cilut"

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I've got one of those bulbs set to low, too, I'm afraid. Because that went sailing right past me, too.