Saturday, May 02, 2009

Daydream Believers

The following is a transcript of a phone call from my buddy Georges:

Me - "Hello! How are things?"

Georges - "Things are great! Work's going well, I'm being magically attacked by a coven of teenage Witches, and I'm dating again."

Me - "Wait, what?"

George - "It's nothing serious. We've only gone out a couple of times. But he seems nice."

Me - "Back up a little further."

Georges went on to explain that his twentysomething-year-old ex-boyfriend has fallen in with a group of scrappy young pseudo-Pagans, who spend their free time hanging out at Denny's and casting Dark Spells of Vengeance on those who oppose them. Being fairly well-versed in alternative spiritualities, Georges asked his ex what tradition they practiced, and was told, "Our people come from Massachusetts."

Me - "Are they associated with Laurie Cabot or something?"

Georges - "Um, no. They believe themselves to be the descendants of the first Witch families of Salem."

Me - "Georges... that's the plot of The Covenant."

Georges - "I thought it sounded familiar. Oh, and also, they think they're dragons. Or Cherokee, I forget which. Both, maybe?"

Me - "So basically, they're teenage Cherokee witch-dragons from Salem."

Georges - "That sounds about right."

Me - "My head hurts."

Georges - "I know."

Now, I don't begrudge these kids the right to live in cinema-inspired Fantasyland. I do, however, find it odd how badly they want to impose their fantasies on others--in this case, sending Georges cryptic threats regarding the Evil Magicks they've worked against him. It's not "We put a curse on you" as much as it's "We need you to pretend that we're capable of putting a curse on you, so that we don't have to go back to boring old reality, where we're kind of unpopular."

After we talked, Georges' ex informed him that the coven would be hexing him again, Georges being a happy, healthy guy, and thus an affront to their Twilight-esque sensibilities. I wish them the best of luck, and I hope that one day, they achieve a semblance of maturity and join the rest of us in the Real World (tm). It's not always the nicest or fairest of places, but it does have its perks.

And no relatively few dragons.

14 comments:

Junior said...

I once had teenage Cherokee witch-dragons from Salem. There's an over-the-counter cream for it, I think.

Pax, Chief Priest to the Angel of Snarkness said...

Ok, I say we arrange for "afters" from Strife-fest to happen at this particular Denny's where the Teenage Cherokee Witch Dragon's hang out and out at an appointed time you and Georges walk in and all of us (having of course conspired to be seated around the TCWD's) turn around and you walk right up to their little nest leader and tell him in a completely dead-pan voice...

"We understand you have been trying in your own little way to Hex our friend Georges. Those of us who actually are Witches and Devotee's of the Old Gods, would appreciate it if you would all stop playing at games you cannot begin to understand. Thank you."

And then in unison all of us get up and leave....

wv = orapho the gasp of complete bat-shit panic resulting from the abovementioned action...

Siobhan said...

I don't like hearing you bad-mouth dragons that way. Dragons RULE.

Literally, I mean, they rule. YOU try not following a dragon-issued order.

Evn said...

Junior, there's a medicated shampoo out now that works much better than the topical treatments.

Pax, you get a raise.

Siobhan, redacted. ;)

Thalia Took said...

OMG, 'Our people come from Massachusetts." That made my day almost as much as this article did. (That's my old name, in case you're wondering.)

Thalia Took said...

Oooo! Missed the title of this first time around. Hee hee

Evn said...

Thalia, the title was a little gift just for you. :)

Thalia Took said...

Aw, thanks Evn.

That otherkin site sure has a lot of 404 errors on its faq page. How am I supposed to find out if I'm a werewolf? Whine!

I shouldn't make fun, considering that I'm probably crazy myself; but I think I shan't be able to resist.

Evn said...

To quote a very wise High Priestess of my acquaintance, "There's a difference between crazy and crazy."

I believe you and I can be categorized under the former.

beweaver said...

ROFL. Just awesome really. Made my day.

Waiting for some backdue rants btw. Just cuz I loves your writing.

Evn said...

Aww, thanks Cynthia. More rants to follow ASAP.

Anonymous said...

Ahh! I am in your blog!!!
--georges

Evn said...

I told you I'd get around to it eventually.

knottybynature said...

It's good to see history repeat itself. Makes one know that you are unique...like everyone else.

In high school, I was reading Doreen Valiente and shaking my head sadly as The Craft and Interview With a Vampire invoke all sorts of bizarre fantasy from a small group I knew...which also hung out at Denny's. I think they were forerunners of the 'psychic vampire' trend. It was very pathetic, really.

WV: hablo - "No speak Stupid."