Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Self-Pull-Filling Prophesy

My back molar broke, and I reluctantly went to the dentist, under the assumption that I needed a root canal. Before my appointment, I kept joking that I was going to show up with a pair of pliers and a bottle of whiskey, so that we could take care of it the old-fashioned way.

And then the dentist examined me, decided a root canal would not be in my best interests (something about how I don't really need this particular tooth; I tuned out after he said, "The cavity's almost to the bone line") and had me schedule an appointment with an oral surgeon, who will "sedate" me in order to perform an "extraction."

See? Pliers and whiskey. Can I call things or what?

In the meantime, the dentist gave me a prescription for Vicodin, so I've been in a peaceful, pain-free haze for the past few days. And while I'm enjoying sitting around and listening to all the pretty colors, I can't seem to string more than a couple of coherent sentences together at any given time.

But no worries, Strifemongers, I didn't forget about you: More posts on the whole Wicca abandonment thing will be up as quickly as possible. I just need to wait for the smack to wear off first.

23 comments:

Siobhan said...

I am jealous of your pain medication -- but not so much the pain required to get it. Feel better!

Deborah said...

Now is the time to get caught up on your e-lists. Before the drugs wear off.

Evn said...

After my prescription runs out, how long would you say I could get away with being an ass on the lists while claiming it's just the pills talking?

Pax said...

No worries man!

Just put on some Iron Butterfly and some Led Zeplin and relax for a few days!

Peace dude,
Pax

Le Cornichon said...

It's good for the soul to loose a few days every now and then- a vacation from your head as it were-Through a Hadj, a trip to the Drepung monastery in Tibet, or through modern chemistry, (I call Vicodan "Cindys" after Cindy McCain) I can certainly see you in the role of "drugged concubine" - perhaps in another lifetime, non? Hope you are feeling better!

Evn said...

Pax, I'm thinking Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon" and The Wizard of Oz will be just the ticket.

Le Cornichon, I love the new name for Vicodin. And it opens up so many opportunities for double entendres, i.e. "I can't handle Cindy on an empty stomach."

Anne Johnson said...

My husband had oral surgery, and after it was over he was so stoned he just loped out onto the lawn in front of the surgeon's office and sat down in the grass. The secretary/receptionist was dawdling and ignoring me, so I pointed outside at my husband and said to her, "That's not a very good advertisement for your wares, now is it?" She jumped right to.

Then I went outside. Husband was completely unaware of my presence. I said, "Come on, Jerry, it's time for the gig."

Whatever they gave him that day, I wish I had a lifetime supply. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Evn said...

The last time I had oral surgery, my mom had to drive me home. According to her, I tried to get out of the car at every stop light, but was ultimately confounded by my seatbelt.

All I remember is coming to at my parents' house, looking her directly in the eye, and pretty much threatening to kill everyone in a ten-mile radius if she didn't bring me apple juice.

Her: "Honey, I'm so sorry, but you're not allowed to have anything to drink for another couple of hours."

Me: [pick your favorite scene from The Exorcist]

Her: "Okay, then. Be right back with some juice. And some holy water."

Le Cornichon said...

The last time I went to the dentist myself was when a molar- that had already had a root canal the previous year- snapped in two while at a swanky cocktail party, I was trying to fit an entire Trilobite fossil into my mouth- standard party behavior of course- but after the visit to the dentist, I was so messed up (blame it on "Cindy") that one moment I was laughing and doing an Olympic ribbon dance routine with two rolls of Charmin and then the next I was crying and removing my clothes like Coco from the movie "Fame"... That is why I can never shop at the Walgreens on Montrose anymore, I always hear the checkers mumble something to the effect of "Tres jolie Coco, tres jolie" when I walk in...so be advised to stay home or at least only venture where the paparazzi can't see you if you decide to venture out.

knottybynature said...

COMPLETELY off topic....

But because you're drugged up, I bet you'd find it funny..... like the snuggie.... It's a new iPod attachment....I thought it was amusing.

Evn said...

Ha! I wonder if they're going to sell those at the Apple Store...

Yewtree said...

I went to the dentist the other day for an extraction and it wasn't too painful. But I had two anaesthetics. Unfortunately wasn't flying afterwards though - I felt really shite and in need of a hug. (Luckily one was provided by my husband.)

Had to cancel another appointment (for a filling) today because of the snow!

Oh by the way MetaPagan editors' picks is now defunct as magnolia has fallen over :(

Yewtree said...

Meant to add - hope you feel better soon. I'm enjoying your Wicca series. Did you see my effort about being a Wiccan and Unitarian?

Evn said...

Yvonne, I did see that essay, and I really appreciated it. There's a Unitarian church around the corner from me, and Co-Witch A. and her family have been attending services there for awhile. I think I may want to start tagging along.

Sucks about the editors' picks, though. Will we see that widget resurrected via Delicious?

taijiya said...

The very same thing happened to me last year. I was petrified, but the procedure was actually no big deal; I had lots of novocaine and LOTS of nitrous and I giggled madly throughout the extraction. And for some time thereafter.

Red Delicious said...

Burf?

knottybynature said...

You know, you have 46 followers.

At 50, I want a button with a devil's face on it, emblazoned with LOVER OF STRIFE on it. I'll send an SASE and everything. And if it comes to it, we can start a church for the Patron Saint of Snarkiness and take up collections.

Because it is the punny things in life like the self-pull-filling prophecy and more serious discussions (like the high priesthood wearing snuggies) which stylize this informative following.

Anyone else a willing partner in crime?

Yvonne Rathbone said...

I was given Percocet after I had my wisdom teeth out. I wasn't in any pain, but I'd never tried Percocet. I got all ready to go to bed high as a kite and the next thing I know I'm cleaning the house. Stayed up all night. Apparently this happens to less that 1% of 1% of people.

Damn.

I think when Evn gets 50 followers we should get on with the kidnapping.

Siobhan said...

I can just see the headlines:

LoverOfStrife has 50 Followers! Evn unleashes sinister "Phase II" of his master plan!

knottybynature said...

Yvonne Rathbone said...

"I think when Evn gets 50 followers we should get on with the kidnapping."

Kidnapping?

Hmmm. That has possibilities. It is, however, a seven hour drive for me (not that I haven't done it before).

But I get the ideas of how in some ancient cultures, the bride is kidnapped before the wedding to ensure she can't escape her fate.

What fate lies in store for Evn, that he has a large group of cackling witches descending upon him?

Evn said...

Evn unleashes sinister "Phase II" of his master plan!

Heh. I feel like the villain in a James Bond movie right now. 'Cept my elaborate deathtraps aren't going to involve any long-winded explanations. I'll be all, "Figure it out yourself, Bond, I gotta be somewhere."

What fate lies in store for Evn, that he has a large group of cackling witches descending upon him?

If that many witches are descending upon me at once? Probably a broken collarbone.

knottybynature said...

Forty-eight followers of the patron saint of Snarkiness. That's two since this blog posting.

Buttons. I smell them.

Evn said...

Siobhan and I are in graphic design cahoots as we speak. Results soon.