Thursday, February 19, 2009

Intravenous Veritas

My tooth's getting pulled in about two hours, and I'm starting to panic.

I'm not worried about the procedure itself or anything like that. It's just that I say inappropriate things when I'm not being pumped full of giggle juice, and I'm afraid of what's going to come out of my mouth before I pass out.

"Do not talk about being gay," I've been telling myself all morning. "Do not talk about Witchcraft. Do not try to flirt with the surgeon like you did when you had your wisdom teeth removed."

Now, in my defense, that particular surgeon was a beefy ex-football player, so the flirtation was totally justified. Except, you know, we weren't in a bar. And I was kind of strapped to a chair. And I think he was married. But he didn't judge, and that's what's important.

As a side note, I just ran into my dentist (we work in the same building). He was very nice and encouraging and didn't even mention how his nurse flipped out on me yesterday. I'm going to focus on this as a good omen.

5 comments:

Yvonne Rathbone said...

So, how'd it go? Huh? Huh? It's been a whole, I dunno, two hours since the surgery (trying to adjust for different time zones-who knows? You may have done this last week.)

But I bet you're still in la la land having dreams of hunky dentists and whales or something, and eyleisti (my word verification, which I'm pretty sure are little faeries from the region around Bologna who eavesdrop on dreams featuring hunky dentists.)

Evn said...

They did not give me my tooth back. We are not amused. A pox on every dental professional in Houston, except for the nice lady who wheelchaired me out to the car--she didn't even flinch when we reached the parking lot and I went "Wheeee, off-roading!" (I was still a little sedated.)

Although funny pre-op story: They monitered my blood pressure, and at first it was just, "beep... beep... beep..." But then the oral surgeon said, "So what we're going to do is stick a big ol' needle into your tooth, then slice your gums open..." and my blood pressure went "beep beep beep beep beep beep beep."

The surgeon and the nurse were both kind of concerned, up until I assured them that it was just terror, not hypertension.

knottybynature said...

I was wondering if you'd get that....when they pulled two of my wisdom teeth, they said it was biohazard and chucked them.

I wonder if I could have pulled "I have to have them for religious reasons" on them. I mean, monks make rattles and crap with their dead monks' teeth and bones....

Crap. No fundraising auction of Evn's teeth. What then?

I got five shots to the mouth when it happened and they threatened to strap me down. I mean, not that the squirming because of those long needles coming to my face or anything were justified in their eyes - I did promise the nurse I wasn't going to kick her, but I was just feeling a tad antsy.

Then they realized that I wasn't breathing through that little piggie nose they strap to you. A few moments later, once the feeling of drowning passed, my feeble protests didn't bother them enough to quit yanking off bits of my body with pliers.

Gotta love modern medicine.

Evn said...

I wonder if I could have pulled "I have to have them for religious reasons" on them. I mean, monks make rattles and crap with their dead monks' teeth and bones...

Ooooh, I wish I'd thought of that. Not that I want to go through this again anytime soon, but should I end up having another one pulled, I'll make a note.

I did promise the nurse I wasn't going to kick her, but I was just feeling a tad antsy.

Technically, I have never kicked a dentist. It was more of a firm shove involving my foot.

knottybynature said...

I have never understood how some people say, "This might sting a bit" or "you might feel a little pressure" - they know it's gonna effin' hurt, and then they expect you to sit there quiet and composed.

Not.

Sorry...if you're in the business of inflicting pain, you have to understand that there will be some times you're going to have to deal with involuntary retaliation (as well as voluntary...some people think it's only fair and being a tolerant person, I'm not going to judge them).