Friday, December 26, 2008

Get Your Kicks

The Radio City Christmas Spectacular is coming to Houston next week. TV commercials have been running pretty much around the clock, featuring the world-famous Rockettes standing in a line and doing high kicks in their various costumes: toy soldiers, candy canes, sugar plum fairies and/or chandeliers, etc.

Now, I've never had the chance to see the Rockettes in person, so I have to ask... do they do anything other than high kicks? Do they act? Sing? Cartwheel? And if they don't do anything else, is the audience supposed to applaud every time they start high-kicking? I mean, I know it's their signature move and all, but doesn't it get kind of redundant after awhile?

I think the show would be edgier if the Rockettes had to high-kick through stuff, like in a martial arts exhibition--cinderblocks, say, or big chunks of ice. Or maybe, they could put two Rockettes on opposite ends of the stage, and they would high-kick menacingly towards each other, and whichever one doesn't take a foot to the face wins. They could keep repeating this until only one Rockette is left standing, who would then be crowned the Alpha Rockette. Or possibly Rockette Prime.

Or (and this would be cool), they could change the theme of the show to "The Lil'est Rockette," which would be about a young, upstart Rockette who doesn't want to high-kick. So the other Rockettes are total bitches to her, but through the magic of Christmas, she teaches them all Capoeira and saves the day.

I would so pay money to see that. The Rockettes have got to start exploring their potential.


Livia Indica said...

I've always wondered about the Rockettes too. Maybe they could high kick with firey batons or fireworks attached to their feet. Maybe they could play a wild game of kickball or soccer. Maybe they could kick a inflatable plastic Bush doll in the ass.

Evn said...

Fireworks! They definitely need fireworks.

Maybe they could kick a inflatable plastic Bush doll in the ass.

Or they could just throw their shoes at it.

Siobhan said...

Rockettes == synchronized swimming or "precision" skating but with half the skill required.

Kick, baby, kick!

Anne Johnson said...

I used to do that kind of high-kick tap dancing as a young and un-lame teenager. The only thing that makes the Rockettes special is how exactly precise their legs are when they kick. It is like synchronized swimming and takes tons of practice. Also, if you're kicking too high or too low, you stick out like a sore thumb and get your tits pinched by an angry choreographer. (Don't ask me how I know that last part.)

Evn said...

As someone who only likes his tits pinched in a nice way, I have a newfound sympathy for the Rockettes.