Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All queued up and nowhere to go

I dropped into Best Buy this morning, determined to find the one thing Jack wants for Christmas. They were sold out, of course, and wouldn't be receiving another shipment until the year 3027, by which time there will be special helmets that let people play World of Warcraft telepathically, but Best Buy will be sold out of those, too.* So instead, I headed over to the DVD section and picked out a couple of horror movies for myself, because that's what Christmas means to me.

The checkout line stretched across the front of the store but was moving at a brisk pace, retail workers being able to shift into a trance-like speed zone during the holidays. I fell in line behind a little old lady, holding a video game and doing her best to drive the shoppers around her insane.

"Boy, this line sure is long," she said. We all agreed that yes, it certainly was long. "I only came in for one little thing!" she laughed. "They should have an express lane for people like me."

The rest of us nodded, no one having the wherewithal to explain that everybody in line had, at the very most, three items. For all practical purposes, we were already in the express lane.

It took less than five minutes for our little consumer group to reach the checkout counters, which is a veritable eternity when the personification of passive aggression is standing next to you, jabbering on about what a wonderful show of holiday spirit it would be if everyone just got out of the way and let her go first. However, when she realized we was at the front of the line, she turned around and exclaimed, "Look where we are! I should auction off my spot to the highest bidder!"

We all pretended to be engrossed in the rack of CDs next to us, but the collective thought bubble floating over our heads was impossible to miss: "Ma'am, even if you did somehow manage to sell your place, you'd have to return to the end of the line, which would prompt you to start complaining all over again."

Although in retrospect, I'm willing to bet that's exactly what she wanted.

*Jack, this does not mean go find it yourself. I'll figure something out. Keep hope alive.


knottybynature said...

Just because I'd know...

...if Wal-Mart sells whatever it is that Jack is dying to have for the holidays, you can go online and purchase it (usually for cheaper than the price IN the store), and have it shipped to you local Wal-mart. Since it is pre-paid online (if it is available in stock), then when you go to pick up said item, it's generally just waiting for someone to show up, find the bag/box/package for you, and check in the system that YES you are checking it out. The Site-to-Store shipping is generally free or minimal and usually arrives in 2-4 days.

Just a suggestion.

Sometimes I love the holidays though....especially Black Friday. Nothing fascinates me more than the depravity of individuals that consider themselves civil and good....until they are in a fist-fight, arguing over who placed their hand first on the four-dollar toaster and who should be the one able to purchase it.

Happy hunting.

Evn said...

Unfortunately, the item in question is not currently available on any Web site (Best Buy, Wal-Mart, Target, etc.)

But that's okay, because I won an eBay auction. Secular Hanukwanzmas is saved!

Jack said...

Wha? Why are you at Best Buy? I said I wanted a chair at Costco. THAT I might get today, since you're not a member. You may simply throw money at me. I'd be OK with that....or gift cards to use for my Tassimo addiction....or to cover the cost of the washing machine repair bill. Best Buy has nothing I need.

Evn said...

You are correct: Best Buy had nothing you need. I was forced to look elsewhere. Besides, I'm already paying to have the carpets cleaned, so the washing machine is all you.

Lisa Adams said...

hehehehehe you're cute hon and the word verification I had to type was "puneds" *snicker* that totally fits.

Red Delicious said...

Ack! Subject/verb agreement!

THE DARK KNIGHT makes a handy gift.

Angela-Eloise said...

Ah yes, the Best Buy holiday story. All we need is some cocoa and a crackling fire.

I too went to Best Buy to buy a holiday gift - this was Wii for my nephews. When I decided (and then proudly announced to my sister) that this would be my gift to my nephews this year, little did I know that it was impossible to get this thing. Anywhere.

So I called my closest neighborhood Best Buy and was told that they were getting a shipment in on Sunday and that I better be there at 8 when they opened because, like, they had received over 200 calls just that day (were they counting?). I had visions of camping out on the sidewalk in front of the store, fighting for space with the homeless guys. Instead, I woke up at a very unseemly hour on a weekend morning and shlepped to Best Buy.

Not the hoards I was expecting, but there was a couple there being indoctrinated in the way of Wii while I was trying to locate the nunchuk controller and to decide whether or not my sister would get mad if I bought a game called Super Smash Bros. Brawl. This apparently pits different Warner Bros. cartoon characters against each other. The sales guy said it would appeal to the boys' love of mayhem (my word) but hastened to add that it was less violent than old Tom and Jerry cartoons. Mkay.

I assure you Evn, I was the picture of docility waiting in line to pay an ungodly amount of money for this stuff - probably because I hadn't had any coffee yet and was still asleep.

My nephews better play this game for several hours every day until their eyesight goes and their fingers go numb.

Yewtree said...

I'm assuming that Best Buy is the American equivalent of, like, Woolworths?

Hmm, though, Costco doesn't sound too great either...

Maybe you should just get each other some book tokens?

I have finished my Hanukwanzmas (excellent coinage, am so totally gonna steal that) shopping and am now swanning around looking smug...

Word verification is synyanit: small eastern European god of shopping ennui.

belledame222 said...


Reminds me of yet another of my grandmother's jokes: guy on a train sharing a sleeping compartment with someone. In the dark, this kvetchy little quivery voice, every thirty seconds or so:

"Oy, am I thirsty."

Pause. Deeeeeep sigh.

"Oy, am I thirsty..."

Finally, the guy decides fuck it, gets up and brings the kvetcher some water. Oh, thank you thank you. Goes back to bed (bunk, really). Silence for a moment.


"Oy, vas I thirsty..."

Pax said...

Hey Yew Tree,

Best Buy is a sleek and modern electronics store, stacked to the rafters with house hold electronics, tv's, computers, vcr's, games, dvd's, etc....

Costco is a wholesale warehouse store that has some consumer electronics and a rather good wine selection, and some decent cheeses... my partner occasionally will remind me there are other parts to Costco???

verification word... "criac"

The sound of distress made when the bathroom door handle comes off in your hand and you are trapped on the inside!