Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The envelope, please...

Ladies and gents, we have winners!

My guest judge Thalia and I were so impressed with the overall entries that we decided to add another award. Therefore, in fourth place, receiving a vivid, suitable-for-framing Goddess sticker, is... Deborah Lipp!

Aishwara Rai as Durga and Ron Perlman as the Demon Bull were solid picks, and Vivica Fox as Kali was an unexpected twist. We appreciate you giving her the opportunity for a breakout performance.

Deborah Lipp, everybody!


In third place, we had a tie!


Congratulations to both Yvonne and Anne Johnson, who will each receive an heirloom-quality Goddess magnet.

Yvonne, we liked your choice of myth, and we believe that no other actor could portray restrained disbelief at ending up God of Woodpeckers better than Colin Firth. Anne, puppetry is a dying art within the motion picture industry, so thank you for bringing in Brian and Wendy Froud to animate the Salmon of Wisdom, rather than falling back on CGI.

Let's hear it for Yvonne and Anne!

[more applause]

In second place, receiving a sturdy, libation-worthy Goddess mug, is... um, just a moment...

[An awkward pause. Evn shuffles through his notes and looks at Thalia. "Seriously?" She shrugs.]

In second place, it's Red Delicious!

[Audience starts to applaud, then lets out a collective "Huh?" Backstage, Faith Hill screams into a camera and storms away.]

Red Delicious, your entry was... different, but we're confident that yours is the one most likely to be made into a Sci-Fi Channel original movie. We had hoped that Garrison Keiller's character would meet a more crimson demise, but John Leguizamo as the Chupacabre totally compensates.

Oh, and seeing as how you're not really up on Things Pagan, we recommend you take a hint from Yvonne and go with a Pomona mug. She's the Goddess of orchards, so She'd make a good patroness for you. Just tell your wife it's a representation of La Virgen de las Manzanas.

Show Red Delicious some love, folks!

[reluctant, confused applause]

And finally, in first place, receiving a fashion-forward, thought-provoking, organic Goddess T-shirt is...

[drum roll]


[thunderous applause]

Miakoda, we thought your casting was impeccable, and we enjoyed how your plot treatment infused the story of Iyansa and Shango with modern relevance. Believe me, the Gods adore modern relevance. Well done!

Winners, drop me a line at with your physical mailing addresses and Goddess preferences. Also, if anyone would like to make an acceptance speech, you may do so at this time.

Thanks for playing!

[music swells, cut to commercial]


Anonymous said...

Bravo Bravo *clapping* Good job everyone.

Deborah said...

I'd like to thank the Academy. And not Jesus.

Evn said...

He asked if he could be on the judging committee, but we said no.

Pitch313 said...

I missed this contest. Darn! I'd have nominated Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen to
portray The Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda!

My faux (no pic) LOLOlsen:

We iz in ur movie, messin' wit the Mrald Ceety, teezin' Doorothy wit
monkees, Ruby slippers, poppies, dancin' along The Yellow Brick Road, and our fashion line--The Row!!!

Thalia Took said...

Ooooo! Teezin' wit monkees? Sounds quite nice to me.

Red delicious, the only thing keeping you out of first place for me was that Garrison Keillor's character did not meet a sufficiently sticky end. Alas. I really, really, really hate that man.

Oh and by the by, the mugs have probably the least varied selection right now, as they require different graphics than the rest of the stuff up in my shop. So if you want some of my art on a mug that isn't, let me (or Evn) know and I'll put it on one for you.

Congrats, all!

Yvonne said...

Ooh many thanks Evn and Thalia, I am most honoured, and very chuffed :D

I'd also like to thank Pomona and Vertumnus for their guest appearances, and Silenus and Bacchus for the catering. (Who's this Jesus bloke anyway?)

Evn said...

(Who's this Jesus bloke anyway?)

Just some guy.

miakoda said...

Wow ... Thank you! I'd post an acceptance speech, 'cept I think my brain just broke. There were a lot of very cool entries -- so I would like to offer a very sincere thank you to everyone who posted their ideas at Evn's prompting. There are now quite a few more stories on my must-find-and-read list.

You people rock like Gina Torres! ;)

miakoda said...

P.S. Also ... Woot! Thalia Took pretties! *happy dance*

(Deciding which one I want will be more difficult than coming up with the idea...)

Evn said...

Woot, indeed! You earned it. (Strifemongership doth have its privileges.)

Red Delicious said...

I suspected I had to keep my feelings about Keillor pretty close to the vest.

I am fascinated with the good / bad of NPR and it's non-news or music programming. While many an episode of PRAIRIE HOME has warmed my heart, many more have been the same thing over and over.

If I were going to kill an 88.7 cast member, though, it would be the Car Talk guys.

Evn, I would gladly accept the Pamona mug. I like apples, so yay, plus the drawing of Pamona looks a little like Jeanette Doyg, and... dude. Doyg.

Evn said...

Oh dear. I completely forgot about your Doyg thing.

I need you to promise me that you'll only use the mug for drinking, okay? Just drinking.

Just drinking coffee.

You are married.

Anne Johnson said...

On behalf of bored gods and goddesses everywhere, especially the Celtic pantheon, I would like to accept this prize with grace and humility ........



And I might add that it's an honor to add to my Thalia collection. Awesome!

Evn said...

Anne, that was a right-fine, very traditional Celtic reaction.

I have a Thalia collection, too. And Laverna graces my refrigerator, so I can say first-hand that magnets are the gift that keep on giving.

Thalia Took said...

Y'all are too sweet.

I disliked G. K. anyway, but this Sunday morning I had the distinct un-privilege of having A Prairie Home Companion wake me from a nice dream. A very nice dream, if you catch my drift, O a very very nice dream, and one that was just getting to the good part.

Oooooo, I hate him.