Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Guilty Pleasures

I went icon shopping after work today, and I have to say that my neighborhood Catholic bookstore, while filled to brimming with respectable idols, is severly lacking in the Czestochowa department. I found a couple of nice pieces here and there, but they were either too small and designed to stand rather than hang (which can be problematic), or they were way too big, or they'd been meticulously hand painted by elderly Polish nuns, thus leaving them far out of the reaches of my decorating budget.

So no icons for me. Phooey. I do have a couple of other shops to check out, though, as well as something that passes for patience, so I'll bide my time and see what turns up. And even though my debit card was burning a hole (to Hell) in my pocket, here's a list of items I did not buy:

A life-sized plaster statue of Our Lady of Grace, just begging to be installed in a bathtub shrine. (Plus it brought back happy blogging memories.)

A Virgen de Guadalupe throw rug.

The following framed print.

It's called "Batting for Christ," and it gives me the creepin' heebie-jeebies so bad that I can't pull my eyes away from it.

From a Christian perspective, I'll bet there isn't a better antidote for masturbation than hanging this thing in a little boy's bedroom, i.e., "Let's not forget who else has his hands on your bat." But from a Pagan perspective, I want to give it to Red Delicious as a birthday present, just to see how long it would take him to stop pretending he appreciates it.

Although now that I think about it, he's both Catholic and a baseball enthusiast. So it's totally à propos.

Damn. I wish I'd known about "Batting for Christ" back when he got married. It would have looked lovely tucked in among the less malicious gifts.


MoonSinger said...

We ALMOST had a bathtub shrine. Only bigger. When we were shopping for our current house, we made an offer on a house with an obvious shrine sans statue in the backyard. I had fun imagining who I'd put in it.

Evn said...

Half the fun is adding the standard Virgin Mary statue, then figuring out who She really is.

Is this my geomantic Moonsinger, whom I happen to love more than my luggage?

Jack said...

No "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" single and soundtrack? (Hamlet 2)

Red Delicious said...

Although I'm sure the "C" stands for Christ (or his team, the Nazareth Carpenters), it looks just like the "C" on the cap of the Cincinnati Reds, which is where I was born.

Although my heart bleeds brick red (on Sunday afternoons, then white with black pinstripes on weekdays and white with some red thrown in on Saturdays), my first official ball cap was a Cincinnati Reds cap, and it now hangs in my office.

Even in the 7th grade, I wore a 7 1/4 size hat (mostly because of the hair that had to fit underneath).

Oh, and just for the record:

1. "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus" is one of the more redeeming parts of the otherwise forgettable HAMLET 2, and

2. I still have the Brandon Puffer card Dave Santana gave me in 2004. Since I know this means the same thing to you as "blork blork vaginas blork", allow me to explain: Brandon Puffer is a pitcher who played on various pro baseball teams, including the Houston Astros, for a few years. His mere prescence on a major league roster all but gaurantees an additional 10 - 15 losses in a season. He is the worst baseball player ever, including the biblical Jews, who probably played barefoot (and hungry). That being said, I would totally appreciate "Batting for Christ" until such time as it is used as a prop in an Ubertoast show.

Gwehydd said...

"there isn't a better antidote for masturbation than hanging this thing in a little boy's bedroom"

Have to disagree there, Evn. Imagining a cute beardy guy in nothing but a bathrobe with his arms around me and his hands on my... errm... bat... would have been just the ticket for me.

Bo said...

That is one of the single most horrible things I have ever seen. Really. I just don't have the words to say quite how horrible.

Anonymous said...

Have you tried ebay??? Now that a wonderful site LOL. Between ebay and my obssession with books, my debit card happily takes a vacation just to get a break LOL.

As for picture, disturbing on soooo many levels!!!! lol

Evn said...

Bo, you know what makes this even more horrible? Somebody thought it was a good idea and painted it. And somebody else thought it was inspirational and mass-produced it.


Gwehydd, you took this to a bad place... and I approve.

Red Delicious, you just earned yourself a framed "Batting for Jesus" print. And I speak fluent blork, thank you very much.

Evn said...

Ooooh, Rottie Mom, I have to stay away from the eBay. I get into bidding wars. Not pretty.

angela-eloise said...

Evn, picture is way creepy! And I heart your blog too!

Yvonne said...

You can get a whole range of statuary with Jesus helping people with their sports, as well. It's ghastly. I've got a list.

Evn said...

I like Hockey Jesus the best. Nothing makes me feel more Christlike than when I'm beating someone with a stick.

Yvonne said...

You thought THAT was tacky? Wait till you see this!

Evn said...

Oh. My. Gods.

I want a fire-spouting Bible now. And my birthday's next week. (Hint hint.)

knottybynature said...

Do you own one of those wonderful "My Buddy Christ" boble heads from the movie Dogma? :D You can find them at Hastings.