Wednesday, June 04, 2008

They're everywhere. And they're looking for me.

While I'll occasionally joke about it online, I rarely discuss my giant squid phobia in real life.

People don't believe you when you say you're afraid of giant squid. Heights, spiders, the number 13, these are considered "rational" phobias. But admit that those pictures taken by Japanese scientists made you want to hide under your bed, and suddenly you're the crazy one.

Crazy or not, that video footage about killed me.

With all this in mind, imagine my delight when U-Haul, for reasons I am completely unable to fathom, decided to decorate a bunch of their trucks with giant squid murals. There's one parked across the street from my office, and I'm half convinced that if I make direct eye contact with it, the truck will immediately turn itself on and lurch, driverless, right at me.

The upside to that scenario is that the people who laughed when I described my anxiety about a possible giant squid-related death would feel pretty stupid for not believing me. Up yours, infidels!

Um... yeah. I'm a little tense right now. And tension, by itself, is usually easy to remedy (via massage, yoga or boxed wine). But one of my "friends," who, out of the kindness of my strife-loving heart, shall be granted the luxury of anonymity, decided to take advantage of my emotional vunerability by sending me this.

So now, in addition to never being able to join Jack and his family on one of their deep-sea fishing trips, I can never go to Scotland.

But I am thinking about buying the T-shirt. In terms of aversion therapy, it could be a valuable resource.

Or, I could burn it in effigy, and teach a few sea monsters that they do not want to fuck with me.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Friend here...

I already ordered that shirt for you.

And...you're welcome.

Evn said...

What a coincidence! I took out a hit on I mean ordered a present for you, too!

It's kind of like a T-shirt. But better.

Jack said...

Calamari is for dinner, honey.

Evn said...

My favorite! You know me so well.

Thalia said...

You'll probably want to avoid the They Might Be Giants album Apollo 18, too, then.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_18_(album)

Evn said...

I do not approve of that album cover.

Did you know that sperm whales are their only natural predators? And sometimes, the whales lose.

[shuddering]

Grian/Lee said...

No worries. I have dinosaur fear. While mine no longer exists and your's is recently proven to exist - I am still terrified of those giant bird-related lizards. You should've seen me on the dinosaur ride at Animal Kingdom in Disney. There were young children not as terrified as I was. I tried to crawl under the seats of the little car we were in. So you're in good crazy company.

Evn said...

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for having a comparable phobia. If I were even remotely heterosexual, I'd propose this very instant.

Oh, by the way, do you prefer to be called Grian or Lee? Because I don't know how to pronounce /.

Grian/Lee said...

Damn... the one's I can't have are always perfect for me. Now if I could only figure out that penis manifestation spell...

It's a silent /. Seriously, you can go with Lee if you like but I don't mind Grian either. I use the / because I started Panthea as Grian and don't want people to be confused. Though / is probably confusing. Maybe I should use a - instead. Or I could try LeeGrian... sort of French but not.

Okay time to locate those Raptor entry points and fortify the house. :)