Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Evn Gets Political

I’ve never voted in the Primaries before, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I live in Texas--by the time our election rolls around, the next president has already moved into the White House and changed the drapes. Second, I’ve been a hardcore independent since I turned 18 (except for one brief stint in the Green Party that I really prefer not to talk about), and doing anything that in any way affiliates me with either side of our outdated bipartisan system goes against my propensity to question authority at all costs.

But this year, suddenly it’s March 4, the two Democratic frontrunners are neck and neck, and I feel like I have to Do Something. Except I don’t know what to do. And nobody I know is doing a damn thing to help me.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve had the following conversation with every politically-minded person in my immediate circle of friends and family, including three Republicans and a Baptist:

Me - “I don’t know whether I should vote for Obama or Hillary.”

[Oh, and speaking of: has anyone else noticed that we call Barack Obama “Obama,” and Hillary Clinton “Hillary”? Why are we doing that? Is it a three-syllable thing? Regardless...]

Me - “I don’t know whether I should vote for Obama or Hillary.”

Them - “Well, do you want an untested idealist, or do you want consistency and experience?”

Me - “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but good point.”

Them - “Exactly! Do you want a new perspective and a breath of fresh air, or do you want a scheming, career politician?”

Me - “I see what you... wait, doesn’t that kind of contradict what you just said?”

Them - “Not at all! It’s like this: do you want a Strong Black Woman, or do you want a Samoan High Priest whose eyes twinkle like stars in the moonlight?”

Me - “That makes no sense whatsoever.”

Them - “Popsicle!”

And so on.

I came home from work this afternoon, firmly resolved not to vote. As my employees reminded me all morning, I’m not a democrat, so why stress? Besides, Couch. TV. Herbal tea. La.

But there was this niggling voice in the back of my head that kept saying, “You’re wasting your vote.” It was the voice of one of Jack’s old roommates, who once berated me for the whole Green Party thing. “You wasted your vote,” he said then. “You’re wasting your vote,” he said now. Except this time, he wasn’t saying it out of spite. This time, he really meant it.

Torn between heading out to my local polling station to do my civic duty and curling up in the living room to let the real democrats have at it, I broke out an oracle deck and got down to some serious geomantic divination.

Yes, I based an important decision on an answer provided by the generation of random numbers. Sue me. All I have to say is this: with Fortuna Major occupying the 1st and 10th Houses, Caput Draconis translating in the 11th and 12th, a favorable Judge ruled by Jupiter, and a trine aspect, I was all, “FINE, okay? I’m GOING.” I mean, seriously, what would you do?

So I went and voted. And it was cool. Except for the part where I walked in and the woman behind the table asked, “Are you here to vote Democrat?” and I said, “Yes,” and BAM! She stamped my voter registration card. It’s, like, ruined now. I don’t want it to say “Democrat.” I want it to say, “I’ll vote any damnable way I please, thank you very much.” So now I have to figure out how to get a new one.

But other than that... yeah, I voted. Go me.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations. You've performed one of your duties as an American. Yes, there's a little sarcasm there, but it's kinda true anyway.

And yes, I've noticed how gendered the campaign has been between Obama and "Hillary," but people like to pretend that her being a woman doesn't really matter after all.

Diana Luciano Grayfox said...

I'll understand if you don't want to say, but I am curious who received your vote? I'm admittedly still undecided. I'm not ready to follow the Barak bandwagon, not enthused enough to be a leader for Hillary, and I'm becoming increasingly frightened of McCain.

And what's up with the Texas two-step voting process? My brain shut down the last time I heard someone trying to explain it.

Evn said...

people like to pretend that her being a woman doesn't really matter after all.

Until she teared up a little during that one debate, and the pretense went out the window: "Is Hillary too emotional? I mean, we all know how the little ladies get..."

Evn said...

I'll understand if you don't want to say, but I am curious who received your vote?

I went with the Samoan. ;)

And what's up with the Texas two-step voting process? My brain shut down the last time I heard someone trying to explain it.

Your guess is as good as mine. My assistant tried to explain it to me this morning, but he gave up after I started twitching. As it stands, here's an adendum to the conversation in the post:

Them - "Are you going to caucus?"

Me - "Um... in public?"

Code Name Sarah said...

I did not vote in the primary, because if you do you are barred from signing any petition to get a third party or independent candidate on the ballot in Texas.

Also, I am not voting for Popsicles or Samoans until I actually agree with said Popsicles and Samoans.

And no, this isn't about Nader, believe it or not. It's about opposing the two-party-winner-take-all system that we currently have.

In fact, I was able to explain something yesterday that had previously eluded me for a long time regarding my instinctual reluctance to participate in the current election. See, I have spent my entire adult life voting AGAINST something I didn't want, instead of voting FOR something I truly supported, 'cause what I support isn't really represented.

And I don't want to play that game anymore.

So I'm done with U.S. politics for the duration, I'm afraid.

Anne Johnson said...

This is the funniest blog entry I've read in many a day!

Evn said...

Sarah, please. One Polynesian Tastee-Freez representative allegedly murders less than twenty of your relatives, and now you’re all, “I’m not voting, popsicles aren’t people.”

Boo freakin’ hoo. Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.

Oh, and that’s a Samoan quarter. Infidel.

Code Name Sarah said...

"I’m not voting, popsicles aren’t people."

I'm Sarah L. Crowder, and I approve this message...

And for the record, it was 23 relatives -- all third cousins. You can check it on Wikipedia, smarty-pants.

Evn said...

Anne: thanks! Tell loads of people. I'm due for a new intake of Strifemongers.

(Mmmmm, fresh Strifemongers...)

Evn said...

You can check it on Wikipedia, smarty-pants.

King James Version? I think not.

Check and mate.

"King James Version?" is my current universal rebuttal, by the way.

Code Name Sarah said...

Oh, I'm sorry -- did I say Wikipedia? Because I meant Suckitapedia.

Evn said...

Because I meant Suckitapedia.

Random segue, but that totally reminds me: my new drag name is Tonya Alluponya.

Code Name Sarah said...

Oh, that is good.

You know, I did 1099s for a bar in Galveston last week, and there were several really good drag names on the list, but I can't think of them off the top of my head...

So, you know, pointless anecdote.

Oh, and I did Ripcord's payroll Monday. How's that for a random segue?

Evn said...

That's an excellent segue. And I can safely say that payroll is one thing I've never done at Ripcord.

Code Name Sarah said...


It's kind of nice to be working in Montrose again. You know?

Evn said...

I know.

Sionnach said...

I miss Texas!
I miss the gayborhood!
I miss a lot of things!
Pardon my emo-explosion in your blog.
How are you?

Evn said...

Eh... oh, why not. Forgiven.

All things considered, doing well! You?

Lisa Adams said...

*grin* Russ refused to vote. I voted. I didn't do the Texas two-step because I got caught up in my plans to watch CSI... Hell I didn't even go out and hang with friends *blush*.

Which reminds me, I need to totally get you on the Tuesday night list.. *tickle*

Evn said...

What's the Tuesday night list? Is it initiatory? Are there goats? I like goats.

Lisa Adams said...

*laugh* Not as such.. Um.. I'll just forward it to you. The people you met at my birthday party hang out every Tuesday at different places around town. It's a lot of fun.

Evn said...

Cool, I'll see if I can't work it into my schedule.

Lisa Adams said...