Friday, December 28, 2007

It's absorbent, it has multiple uses

One of my employees asked me what I was doing after work, and I said, "I should run by the store, but I don't want to go."

"Why not?" she asked.

"All I'm out of is wine and kitty litter," I explained. "It seems weird to just be buying those two things."

"Condoms." She replied.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Condoms," she said again, matter-of-factly. "If you're buying wine and condoms, the cashier will assume you're going to seduce somebody. Which isn't weird."

On the surface, I understand her suggestion, but still...

Loyal Strifemongers, I turn this over to you. If the scenario is seduction: why would I need kitty litter?


Deborah said...

The kitty litter is to put in your cauldron to put candles in.

Evn said...

Romantic! I like it.

Anonymous said...

Kitty Litter can be used in a Censer or thurible to hol the charcoal in a pinch but they do not need to know you are going home to practice Witchcraft : )

BB Brian

Evn said...

they do not need to know you are going home to practice Witchcraft

True, but Witchcraft makes a very good explanation for the wine and kitty litter. Plus, I wouldn't have to shell out extra cash for the condoms...

Anne Johnson said...

One can never have too much kitty litter, too much wine, or too many condoms on hand at any given time.

Want to freak the cashier out big time? Also buy a road map.

Evn said...

Also buy a road map.

And/or a "deepest condolences on your loss" greeting card.

annye said...

"The kitty litter goes into the condoms to make litter bombs."

And if you can say that with a straight face, they'll be afraid to ask you what the wine is for.

Red Delicious said...

1. "It's a cheap substitute for lye."

2. "You didn't have the brand of taragon I like."

3. Also buy drano and write "Plan A" and "Plan B" in big, bold letters on your shopping list.

4. Just explain that every time you buy one thing, you have to buy an equivalent opposite on the PH scale.

5. Want to really confuse them? Tell them it's for work.

6. Disguise it by also purchasing the following:

Lawn Chair
Rachel Ray magazine
Light Bulbs - $50 worth
An Applebee's gift card
Copy of one of the $9.99 DVD's for sale - "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" would be good
As much permafrost as you can scrape off the ice cream freezer
Turkey Hot Dogs
A Santa Claus hat from the Christmas clearance

7. Tell them its becuase you're left handed (or have Asberger's Syndrome). People know just enough about those things to know not to ask questions.

8. "I can't really say, except to tell you I lost a bet with Steve Perry from Journey, and it's going to be a LONG hot air balloon ride."

9. "Believe it or not, this is all you need to make your own precious moment figurines."

10. Tell him you're just a hop, skip and a jump from tastytown!

Evn said...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

First runner up is Annye. Litter bombs are totally Mayhem Inc.

Ted said...

Is it too late to suggest:

"Oh, we're going to throw the kitty litter at the wedding. You know, instead of rice."

Evn said...

That would definitely explain the need for the condoms... y'know, for later...

knyc said...

Because if you don't clean the kitty litter box, it's not romatic, hence you would not be able to seduce your love with wine and condoms.

Evn said...

Excellent point!