Friday, December 07, 2007

If I Could Turn Back Turning Back Time

No clue how we got on the subject of reincarnation, but that's all anyone in my department could talk about this afternoon. I'm not big on past life regression (having far too many issues in this life to worry about what crap I got into last time around), but I commented that, based on what others have told me about their own experiences, people's memories of past lives seem to revolve around how they died.

I expected everyone to go, "Huh," and move on with the conversation. Instead, one relatively quiet employee announced, "When I was thirteen, a Ouija board told me that in a previous life, I attempted to cross the Atlantic on a tall sailing ship back in the 1700's. But somebody pushed me overboard."

There was a moment of silence while we all just sort of looked at each other, and then my assistant, J., asked for clarification. "A Ouija board, like, spelled this out for you?"

"Yeah," she said with a "you know how it goes" shrug. "It took a couple of hours."

Death by drowning, especially when coupled with ominous messages from the Unseen World, is generally understood to not be comedic material, but J. and I are pretty much known for our inappropriate humor. Sticking out our hands and moving them around as if guided by an invisible planchette, we did our best to recreate the event:

"... so... then... Eliza... says... 'Why... dost... thou... not... lean... far... over... the... railing... and... peer... into... the... sea?... Perhaps... thou... shalt... spy... a... mermaid!'... And... you're... all... 'I... dare... not!... The... water... frightens... me... and... besides... last... time... thou... conspired... to... push... me... over... board'... And... Eliza... goes... 'Twas... but... an... accident!... Thou... knowest... I... be... a... Goody... Fumblethumbs'... So... you... go... 'Well... if... thou... art... sure... thou... art... not... going... to... kill... me'... and... she's... all... 'Hey... would... I... lie... to... thee?'..."

And then we laughed and laughed. Okay, yes, I'm the last person in the world who needs to be making fun of anyone else's encounters with the occult, but in my defense, the girl we were imitating thought it was hilarious.

Meanwhile, in a cubicle across the aisle, my Eastern Orthodox employee decided that yep, we're all going to Hell. She tentatively reached that conclusion roughly five minutes after she started working here, but our latest dramatic reenactment was the official final weave on the handbasket.

5 comments:

georges! said...

In my past life I was Jesus. And yes, you are going to hell.

Evn said...

It would be cooler if you were Jesus in this life. Then you totally could've freaked out those Pagans who accosted you at the Pride Parade.

Oh hey, may I blog that story?

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahaha

Awesome.

Cynthia
beweaver.livejournal.com

Evn said...

Glad ya liked it. :)

georges! said...

please blog this story about the pagans who scared me. Scary evangelical pagans.