Wednesday, December 26, 2007

At least the pews were comfy

Well, I survived church. No passing out or bursting into flames.

I will say, though, that if your regular, everyday religion involves (among other things) waving knives about, leaping over bonfires, and the soundtrack to the original Wicker Man... geez, church is freakin' boring. Seriously, add some aerobics or karaoke or something.

A couple of days ago, my co-witch, A., and I came up with a number of things you could do or say to make a High Protestant service more entertaining: popping fake blood capsules in your hands to replicate stigmata, suddenly making out with the person next to you and going, "Oops, there I go, speaking in tongues again," etc. Our favorite involved kneeling at the altar rail for Communion, waiting for the bread and wine to come by, and then saying, "Oh, none for me, thanks. I'm vegetarian."

This one absolutely slew us, to the point that when I spoke with A. this afternoon, the first thing out of her mouth was "Did you eat Jesus?"

"Yeah, I did," I admitted. "It's just so hard to stay on a meat-free diet during the holidays."

Gawds, but we're a laff riot.

No comments: