Monday, November 19, 2007

Gifts that keep on giving

Among my friends and family, it’s generally understood that I have... I guess unfortunate is the right word for it... unfortunate taste in décor. This is harder on Jack than anyone else. He dreams of a home reminiscent of a French cottage, rustic yet elegant, whereas I want to live in The Nightmare Before Christmas, as seen through the eyes of Gina Rowlands in The Skeleton Key.

Happy mediums are right out. We tried divvying up the rooms of our apartment, but from an interior design perspective, we’re both industrial saboteurs. If we agree that I have creative freedom in the living room, Jack will sneak in when I’m not looking and coat the place in Pottery Barn. If it’s decided that Jack will have complete artistic control over the bedroom, I’ll wait until he has a late-night social obligation, then cram seven-day candles and Precious Moments knock-offs onto every available shelf space. At one point, grasping at the last few straws of compromise, Jack suggested we buy a duplex. That way, he tactfully explained, we could have his cozy, classically appointed residence on one side, and my (and I quote) “White Trash Pagan Temple” on the other.

We’re looking into it. In the meantime, Jack finds himself in the unenviable position of giving me presents.

Like any good boyfriend, he’ll occasionally pick up some small token of affection for me, “just cuz.” The problem, of course, is that the things I’d appreciate are things he’d normally never be caught dead buying. But he fights through, suffering the curious glances of other shoppers and the judgmental snickers of salespeople, because he’s just that great of a guy.

And also because if he doesn’t at least partially acknowledge my Gods-given right to have a religious kitch fetish, I’ll go on strike and never clean the litter boxes again. But mainly because he’s just that great of a guy.

Last night, Jack came home after several hours of shopping for assorted domestic necessities. “I have a little something for you,” he said flatly, eyes averted. Bounding off the couch, I tore open the Dollar Store bag he handed me, revealing this.

After I finished squealing in delight, Jack described his interaction with the cashier.

Dollar Store Cashier (holding up figurine, head cocked to the side): “Seriously?”

Jack (re: flatly, eyes averted): “Um... yeah.”

I immediately installed my new treasure in a place of honor on top of the entertainment center, while Jack did his best not to scream in agony and run weeping from the room. It was very sweet of him, though. Perhaps I’ll do something nice for him in return, and take down last year’s Halloween decorations.


Anonymous said...

I *love* the fairy!

Evn said...

Ain't she great? All cute and harvesty.

Code Name Sarah said...

Nothing wrong with that little figurine -- I was expecting something far, far worse.

But then again, my decor also involves a terrible partner compromise (as you know): I work within an extremely limited color scheme...and I get to keep the paintings of zombies. As far as lose/lose deals go, it's pretty much a win/win.

Now...if that had been a Walpurgisnacht zombie statue...hmm.

Evn said...

I work within an extremely limited color scheme...and I get to keep the paintings of zombies.

And he gets to keep the Hello Kitty.

Repeat, he gets to keep the Hello Kitty.

I mean, I'm happy you guys found each other an all, but WTF?

Anonymous said...

I think the figurine is cute. I imagined something more along the lines of a gothic zombie pilgrim with fairy wings. Nothing wrong with one cute figurine. However, I get the impression you don't have just one cute figurine.

I sympathize with you guys. Years ago, a friend brought up the idea of us moving in together. I squashed that right away; she has, um...unfortunate taste.

Evn said...

I have many cute figurines, and just as many creepy ones. Although some of the cute ones are kind of creepy in their own right.

Red, Delicous, Fantab said...

This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read, and I have read some funny posts.