Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Falls Down, Goes Boom

I really need to start making more appearances at public Pagan events around town. Not out of any sense of community spirit or loyalty to my people or anything like that (perish the thought), but because we’ve got a Swooner, and I’m dying to see her in action.

Swooning, in a Pagan context, occurs when an attendee at--or occasionally, the leader of--a given ritual is suddenly overcome by the Powerful Energies that have been raised. He/she has no other option but to kerfuffle about and collapse in a heap, dramatically stealing focus and irreparably derailing the rest of the evening. In practice, it’s a lot closer to catching the vapors than catching the Spirit.

What’s interesting (to me, at least) is that the Swooner is rarely a pie-eyed, unshielded newbie, participating in his/her Very First Real Pagan Circle. Almost always, it’s Grand High Lady Muckety-Muck MoonPillow, Sorceress Supreme... whom, y’know, you’d think would have a better handle on Powerful Energies. But hey, who are you to judge, newbie? Maybe one day, you’ll be even half as affected by Powerful Energies as Lady MoonPillow, and then you’ll understand.

Therein lies the inherent authority implied by a good Swoon: sensitivity to the supernatural, and any resulting physical reaction, denotes great and terrible occult power. That is, Swooners don’t swoon because of a lack of training or control—-rather, they swoon because they have so much psychic ability that the slightest shift in unseen forces just blows their legs right out from under them.


Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little bit, too. But that’s what they’re selling, so that’s what I’m blogging.

Since the ultimate goal is to garner as much attention as possible, the most important factor of effective Swooning is timing. If all the participants in a ritual are dancing ecstatically, you can’t crumple to the floor and expect results--everyone will just think you tripped. No, you have to wait for the right moment, such as in the middle of a guided meditation. Once everyone else has moved into a nice, serene trance state, moan like a banshee and fall out of your chair. People will ask what happened. Tell them.

As cynical as I'm sounding, please don't think I'm saying that energy or power or what-have-you can't be raised or experienced. Far from it. I've raised energy, and I've felt the energy raised by others. What I'm saying is that when particular Pagans consistently Swoon at every ritual they attend, something's up. And I'm saying that those Pagans are the same ones who are constantly under magical attack, and the same ones who have Very Significant dreams in which the Gods appear to them and give detailed instructions on how the coven/grove/fellowship/non-profit should really be run.

So, anyway, back to our resident MoonPillow. She's popped up at several events of late, and by all accounts pulled a couple of spectacular face plants. I was hoping to catch her act in person, but, sadly for me, the locals are beginning to smell trouble. That's the downside of Swooning: you can get away with it once, maybe twice, before the Pagans around you start rolling their eyes: "Again?"

But she'll be fine. The Pagan community is nothing if not forgiving, so all she has to do is lay low for awhile, and everyone will forget all about it.

Well, almost everyone. As a general rule, Swooners do not make it onto my Christmas card list.


Serenity, The City Witch said...

PREACH! In my 22 years on the path, I have seen this kind of trainwreck...Lawd have mercy! Reminds me of those sistahs in the church who catch the holy ghost so often, people set their watches by them....Your blog rocks!

Evn said...

I was actually thinking about old ladies catching the Holy Ghost in Gospel churches when I wrote this post... 'cept when they do it, I tend to believe it.


I'm glad you like the blog! Yours rocks as well--I'll be adding it to my blogroll forthrightly.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I've never seen this. Take pictures!

Evn said...

Roger that. Framed prints for everyone!

Sia said...



I'm so stealing that :-)


Evn said...

Go right ahead! I've got a million of 'em.