Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The oxygen masks never drop when you need them

I flew out to California this weekend (note to Deborah: my operating system got upgraded to version 2.0, if you catch my drift), and while the flight itself was uneventful, I'd like to impart some sound advice on the "dos" and "don'ts" of air travel ettiquette.

Unless you suffered from a rare gastrointestinal condition during your childhood that resulted in your spleen being replaced with an industrial ventilator, it is generally considered impolite to pass gas continuously for three and a half hours. Know that the feisty young Witch sitting next to you, burying his face in the crook of his arm and trying his best to breath through his ears, will hate you unconditionally for the rest of his life.

It would also behoove you not to remove your shoes and socks in order to pick your toes, nor is it wise to clean your ear with the cap of a ballpoint pen.

Thank you for your compliance. Please seek immediate medical attention.

4 comments:

Deborah said...

Congratulations on your upgrade. That particular system tends to crash a lot, but it's worth having.

Evn said...

Thank you! And I've got fabulous tech support, so I shouldn't have to replace the hard drive too often.

(I'm not sure what "hard drive" represents, but it fits the analogy.)

Red Delicious said...

Is this some sort of penis metaphor?

What's a metaphor? Cows, & sheep, mostly.

Hey, and was that guy Paul Reubens from MSYTERY MEN? He sounds the grossiest.

Evn said...

It is not a penis metaphor.

Except also, it is.

Discuss.