Thursday, July 27, 2006

Tough Love, except I never liked you

You know how I'm always pissing and moaning about Teen Pagans? About how the grand majority of them are vapid little vacant-heads, rebelling against their upper-middle class, Christmas-and-Easter High Protestant upbringings out of boredom and selfish, misplaced resentment?

Apparently, some of you out there have chosen to interpret this particular pet peeve to mean that I'm unnecessarily (ahem) "judgemental." And that's fine, really. You're entitled, and more than welcome, to your own opinions. Freedom of speech and all that.

But it turns out I was right.

I suspected as much.

Over a five-day period in mid July, six churches in Franklin County, Alabama, were burglarized and desecrated. Within a week, police traced the crimes back to three young men, all between the ages of 19-21, in whose possession they found, along with stolen church computers and appliances, "Wicca and other occult-related documents."

For future reference, if you and your friends live in a small Southern town, and you're the weird, kind of scary kids who wear black clothes and doughnut-sized pewter pentacles, and you're always going on about Witchcraft and the supernatural and Marilyn Manson, and meanwhile six local churches get vandalized...

Lean in close, now...

EVERYONE WILL KNOW IT WAS YOU.

Is that clear? Anyone need to see it graphed out or anything? No?

I hope we've all learned something here today. Be well, do good work, and don't call me from Juvie.

4 comments:

Red Delicious said...

If you do graph it out, you should use many shades of black. So black.

(Native American Drum beat, then...)

AAAiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!

If you're happy, and you know it...

(Lengthy pause, followed by fingers snapping)

Sarah L. Crowder said...

I prefer the shade of black called "Sequin Black." But I'm still waiting for a darker shade, as the t-shirt says.

Deborah said...

I'm not sure I'd glorify these kids by calling them Teen Pagans. Why should we take credit? Moreover, why should we believe a police report? Bet there was a Bible in the room and the report didn't say anything about "Monotheistic-related documents."

Puh. Leez.

Evn said...

<< Bet there was a Bible in the room >>

Well, yes, but it was probably the King James Version. Had it been the Book of Latter Day Saints, or in Latin, it would've made the news.

And I freely admit that my own run-ins with teenie-bopping NeoPagans colored this commentary a wee bit too much. At the same time, I've got a "don't take anything I say seriously" disclaimer buried somewhere in the archives, which I believe is the blogosphere equivalent of "get out of jail free." It also kept the local Setian temple from putting a hit out on me.