Friday, July 21, 2006

Bluebird of Vengeance

There were two bluejays outside my window this morning.

This is concerning.

The courtyard of my apartment complex is pretty much a bird sanctuary: we've got doves and sparrows and cardinals and something that looks like a finch, and one time a random grey heron landed out of nowhere. Jack set up a feeder right after we moved in, and I took great delight in all the birds that ended up milling about on our balcony. Especially the doves. According to the Feri Tradition, doves are a symbol of the Goddess, and me being... well, me, it was far to easy to turn the mundane event of stepping outside for a cigarette and watching the doves gorge on seed into a mystical experience of cosmic proportions.

Then the bluejay showed up, and his first act as resident territorial avian was to divebomb me when I stepped too close to the feeder. As long as I stay to the far left of the balcony he leaves me alone, but if I meander to the right, it's Death From Above.

As startling as it can be to have a lower life form single you out for termination, it's nothing I can't handle. I have a long history of run-ins with the Corvus family, specifically mockingbirds, so one bluejay is no big deal--I just make sure he's not hanging around before I go out to smoke. But now there are two of them. They weren't even feeding. They were just perched on the balcony railing, staring in at me. It was a wee bit too Hitchcockian for my tastes. If a third bluejay shows up, I'm moving.

Awhile back, I adopted the screenname "Grackle" for the various e-mail lists in which I participate, although the name didn't stick. Perhaps if I start calling myself Grackle again, and really commit to it this time (i.e. "I AM the Grackle!"), the bluejays will see me as a distant cousin on some totemic level, and will go find some other schmuck to terrorize.

Hey, it could work. Don't judge me.

6 comments:

Red Delicious said...

Can I be "The Whooping Crane?"

Also, go here and check out "the Gallery"

www.theatreport.com

Evn said...

You may.

And I saw the pictures--very cool. I'd forgotten all about Madame Tourettes. More of her, please. She was my fucking favorite, goddamnit. Bark bark.

Anonymous said...

Sweatheart, there's three birds at the door asking for you to go with them. Something about you "know too much?"...and who's Mr. Anderson?

Jack

Evn said...

TELL THEM I'M NOT HERE.

Anonymous said...

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Birdzilla said...

What happens when someone forgets to fill the bird feeder WILL THEY BIRDS GET ANGRY AND EAT THAT PERSON ALIVE HERE COME THE FLU-BIRDS ITS US BIRDS TAKING REVENGE FOR ALL THOSE NEGLECFUL PERSONS SQUAWK SQUAWK