Thursday, June 01, 2006

Hooray, hooray, we're all going to die again

It's June 1, the official start of Hurricane Season. To celebrate, Houston had a thunderstorm and minor flooding.

Not ominous in the least.

Apparently, the big concern right now is that because of last year's traffic debacle, Houstonians won't evacuate, even if a Category 5 hurricane comes traipsing down Montrose. And you know what? They're right. I, for one, am not going anywhere. Last year I spent 9 hours in an airconditionless Lincoln Town Car getting bitten and shat upon by an apoplectic, heat-stricken cat, and I can safely say it's the closest I've ever come to spontaneously losing my mind. This year, I plan on stocking up on candles and bottled water and tying my freshly-desecrated rosary to my balcony rail (Catholic folk tradition holds that a rosary left outside can stop inclimate weather, since Jesus won't let it rain on His mother; results to be posted soon).

So yeah, no evacuating for me. As the summer heat seeps across Houston and the TV meteorologists start preaching Armageddon, I'm going to quietly scout out my neighbors' apartments and get all my looting mapped out ahead of time. If anyone has a wish list--a used DVD player, a moist sleeper sofa, dysentery, etc.--just let me know and I'll see what I can pick up for you.

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