Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Lunch break hijinks

Following a trip to ye olde Chinese Buffet (which, I might add, was out of cheese pizza) and a health-conscious light cigarette, I meandered towards the lobby doors of the office building where I work. A few feet behind me was a woman pushing an older lady in a wheelchair. My instinctive reaction was to hold the door open for her, on account of I'm a reasonably nice guy. However, as I reached for the door handle, the woman pushing the wheelchair called out, "Hold the doo-or! Hold the doo-or!" in this ultra-chipper, sing-song voice. Then she let fly with a fake-hearty laugh. The implied message, of course, was "Look at the incredible burden I have. Don't worry, I'm muddling through somehow, but I need you to notice and acknowledge all the sacrifices I make in the name of humanity."

Passive aggression is never in season, but I waited for her, because there wasn't a logistical way of letting the wheelchair through and then slamming the door in her face. As we all moved towards the elevator, a well-dressed businesswoman looked up at us, suddenly wide-eyed. The doors slid open, and she threw herself into the elevator, jabbing the "Door Open" button and yelling, "I've got the door! I've got the door!" It was like the Rapture was upon us, and the only place the avenging angels weren't going to look for condemned souls was between floors. Again, an implied message: "Oh, dear Lord, that poor, poor woman! I must help in some way, so that the Powers That Be will smile favorably upon me, and will never, ever allow me to end up in the same situation. Also, this totally makes up for me sticking Mom in that nursing home and never calling."

White people are weird.

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