Friday, May 28, 2004

We haven't sprayed for bears

I picked up today's lunch at a local chain eatery, brought it back to the office, and devoured to my heart's content, only to find that after I was fully sated, I had a cup of fruit salad (eight tiny pieces of assorted melon plus two grapes) and a Trail Mix cookie (a thick oatmeal cookie with lots of extra crunchies and dried berries: fiberlicious!) left over. Thinking quickly, I placed the cookie - smartly wrapped in a small brown bag - and the fruit salad, still sealed in a disposable take-out container, on a counter in my office's cozy kitchenette, saying to myself, "Surely, because I work in an office, there is no need to protect my leftovers from wildlife."

A few hours passed, at which time I realized I was both hungry and sleepy. What to do? "But wait!" I said (I work by myself most days, so talking to myself is OK), "Don't I have a tasty cookie and a wholesome fruit cup a-waiting for me in the breakroom?" Pleased with the epiphany, I skipped back to the kitchenette to enjoy a fructose-intensive respite, only to find... ants. Freakin' ants everywhere. So many ants. The ants, though, being teensy but brainless animals, had not been able to find a way inside the paper bag containing the cookie. With a few brush strokes of the hand, I rescued my poor pastry, leaving the remaining six-legged squatters agitated and peckish. I then reached for the rest of my afternoon snack, and discovered... a bug. Inside the sealed, unopened fruit cup. Hopped up on fruit sugars and smacking itself against the clear plastic lid.

I opened the fruit cup, and the little bug spasmed out of it and flew away. I examined my melon and grapes for signs of insect excrement, but since I am not familiar with what said excrement looks or smells like, I ate the fruit anyway.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is, other than if I ever get lost in the woods with a bunch of hikers, I'll be the first one to die from eating poisonous berries.

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